Comments on: Applying the 80/20 rule to friendships: who’s on your A List? http://www.technotheory.com/2008/08/80-20-for-friendships/ Time-saving reflections on lifehacking, social media, and technology. Thu, 11 Mar 2010 20:51:36 -0800 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Technotheory.com - Looking back before looking ahead: surprises and lessons learned from 2008 http://www.technotheory.com/2008/08/80-20-for-friendships/comment-page-1/#comment-29712 Technotheory.com - Looking back before looking ahead: surprises and lessons learned from 2008 Mon, 29 Dec 2008 09:45:37 +0000 http://www.technotheory.com/?p=401#comment-29712 [...] or worse.  There’s nothing better than investing in these relationships, but be careful to choose them wisely. People like Clay Collins, Stever Robbins, Lokesh Dhakar, and Tim Koelkebeck are just a few of the [...] [...] or worse.  There’s nothing better than investing in these relationships, but be careful to choose them wisely. People like Clay Collins, Stever Robbins, Lokesh Dhakar, and Tim Koelkebeck are just a few of the [...]

]]> By: Technotheory.com - From Getting to Done to Getting to Happy (GTD applied to GTH) http://www.technotheory.com/2008/08/80-20-for-friendships/comment-page-1/#comment-25729 Technotheory.com - From Getting to Done to Getting to Happy (GTD applied to GTH) Tue, 09 Sep 2008 16:30:40 +0000 http://www.technotheory.com/?p=401#comment-25729 [...] few weeks ago I talked about making lists of our friends.  I’ve long kept a list of “5-minute friends,” essentially people nearby enough that I can [...] [...] few weeks ago I talked about making lists of our friends.  I’ve long kept a list of “5-minute friends,” essentially people nearby enough that I can [...]

]]> By: Clay http://www.technotheory.com/2008/08/80-20-for-friendships/comment-page-1/#comment-25563 Clay Sat, 06 Sep 2008 01:57:53 +0000 http://www.technotheory.com/?p=401#comment-25563 You're on my a-list. --Clay You’re on my a-list.

–Clay

]]> By: Jared Goralnick http://www.technotheory.com/2008/08/80-20-for-friendships/comment-page-1/#comment-25491 Jared Goralnick Thu, 04 Sep 2008 14:55:26 +0000 http://www.technotheory.com/?p=401#comment-25491 Joshua, that's a pretty impressive way that you used technology to help facilitate the relationships you're trying to maintain most. Glad to hear it's working! Melissa, Elizabeth & co., I wrote a <a href="http://www.technotheory.com/2008/08/should-productivity-play-a-role-in-your-friendships-and-relationships/" rel="nofollow">follow up to this post</a> a little while ago that talks more specifically about productivity in relationships, and whether it can ever be legitimate. Joshua, that’s a pretty impressive way that you used technology to help facilitate the relationships you’re trying to maintain most. Glad to hear it’s working!

Melissa, Elizabeth & co., I wrote a follow up to this post a little while ago that talks more specifically about productivity in relationships, and whether it can ever be legitimate.

]]> By: Joshua Baer http://www.technotheory.com/2008/08/80-20-for-friendships/comment-page-1/#comment-25306 Joshua Baer Sun, 31 Aug 2008 20:18:30 +0000 http://www.technotheory.com/?p=401#comment-25306 I did an experiment similar this about a year ago, after reading that we are only able to maintain about 150 real relationships in our life at one time and why this makes the 150 person mark a critical growth point for a company. I made a list of my top 150 people. I defined my top people as those who I wanted to stay in touch with regularly - at least one interaction every six months. When I started, I was worried it would be hard to decide who to leave out, but I was surprised to find that I only came up with about 120. Then I made a subset of that list who were the top 50 people who I wanted to stay in touch with at least once a month. Next I did the top 20 people who I should have contact with at least once a week. Finally I came up with 5 people who I felt like I needed to have contact with every day. Finally, I made "smart folders" in my email program that would only show me email from people within those groups. When my email gets backed up, I will click on my "top 5" folder and clear out all those messages first. Then I do the "top 20" folder, etc. This lets me focus on the most important people and make sure I'm responding to them quickly (this is somewhat similar to the Xobni approach). This doesn't keep me from reading email from other people, just makes it easier to prioritize the people who are important. I did an experiment similar this about a year ago, after reading that we are only able to maintain about 150 real relationships in our life at one time and why this makes the 150 person mark a critical growth point for a company.

I made a list of my top 150 people. I defined my top people as those who I wanted to stay in touch with regularly – at least one interaction every six months. When I started, I was worried it would be hard to decide who to leave out, but I was surprised to find that I only came up with about 120.

Then I made a subset of that list who were the top 50 people who I wanted to stay in touch with at least once a month. Next I did the top 20 people who I should have contact with at least once a week. Finally I came up with 5 people who I felt like I needed to have contact with every day.

Finally, I made “smart folders” in my email program that would only show me email from people within those groups. When my email gets backed up, I will click on my “top 5″ folder and clear out all those messages first. Then I do the “top 20″ folder, etc. This lets me focus on the most important people and make sure I’m responding to them quickly (this is somewhat similar to the Xobni approach).

This doesn’t keep me from reading email from other people, just makes it easier to prioritize the people who are important.

]]> By: Managing a Project Team - 80/20 « the315 http://www.technotheory.com/2008/08/80-20-for-friendships/comment-page-1/#comment-25186 Managing a Project Team - 80/20 « the315 Thu, 28 Aug 2008 10:29:52 +0000 http://www.technotheory.com/?p=401#comment-25186 [...] at Technotheory wrote about applying the 80/20 rule to your friendships. His post reminded me of the 80/20 rule (Pareto Principle) applied to management. As it goes, 80% [...] [...] at Technotheory wrote about applying the 80/20 rule to your friendships. His post reminded me of the 80/20 rule (Pareto Principle) applied to management. As it goes, 80% [...]

]]> By: Technotheory.com - Should “productivity” play a role in your friendships and relationships? http://www.technotheory.com/2008/08/80-20-for-friendships/comment-page-1/#comment-25107 Technotheory.com - Should “productivity” play a role in your friendships and relationships? Mon, 25 Aug 2008 16:26:52 +0000 http://www.technotheory.com/?p=401#comment-25107 [...] wrote a post last week about making a hierarchical list of the people you care for.  My purpose was to help focus [...] [...] wrote a post last week about making a hierarchical list of the people you care for.  My purpose was to help focus [...]

]]> By: Melissa Robison http://www.technotheory.com/2008/08/80-20-for-friendships/comment-page-1/#comment-24985 Melissa Robison Fri, 22 Aug 2008 03:58:44 +0000 http://www.technotheory.com/?p=401#comment-24985 Jared, Your post is particularly timely for me. My boyfriend recently commented on the fact that he thinks that I have an "inner circle" of friends and that someone is either in...or out of that circle. I completely agree that we all should nurture the people in our lives that offer you the most joy, comfort, and interest. I kind of disagree that anyone should make a list of the people you truly care about. I feel like that's cold and also a no-brainer. My best friend from high school saw my mom go crazy on me 25 years ago...and she's seen it again recently. My roommate from 12 years ago helped me through tough times in the past, and I helped her recently. The same is true about my other close friends. If I ranked them on a list, I'd be selling each one short. I've met some wonderful and talented people online. I'd love to develop deeper relationships with some of them. However, that type of bond usually takes some serious personal interaction, time, and trust-building before is a long-term relationship. This medium is new and, as it matures, I'm sure we will all develop long-term digital friends. Until then, let's just go with our gut as Elizabeth suggests (-: That's it for me. BTW, love the image at the top of this article! (-: Jared,
Your post is particularly timely for me. My boyfriend recently commented on the fact that he thinks that I have an “inner circle” of friends and that someone is either in…or out of that circle.

I completely agree that we all should nurture the people in our lives that offer you the most joy, comfort, and interest.

I kind of disagree that anyone should make a list of the people you truly care about. I feel like that’s cold and also a no-brainer. My best friend from high school saw my mom go crazy on me 25 years ago…and she’s seen it again recently. My roommate from 12 years ago helped me through tough times in the past, and I helped her recently. The same is true about my other close friends. If I ranked them on a list, I’d be selling each one short.

I’ve met some wonderful and talented people online. I’d love to develop deeper relationships with some of them. However, that type of bond usually takes some serious personal interaction, time, and trust-building before is a long-term relationship. This medium is new and, as it matures, I’m sure we will all develop long-term digital friends. Until then, let’s just go with our gut as Elizabeth suggests (-:

That’s it for me. BTW, love the image at the top of this article! (-:

]]> By: Jet Set Life http://www.technotheory.com/2008/08/80-20-for-friendships/comment-page-1/#comment-24866 Jet Set Life Tue, 19 Aug 2008 10:50:11 +0000 http://www.technotheory.com/?p=401#comment-24866 Hey Jared, I personally think your dead on with the 80/20 reference here. It could possibly be expanded to an even larger degree. I ask myself what 20% of my actions will give me 80% of the connections I'm trying to achieve. It may happen that an online connection (Twitter, Skype or Face book let's say) could do the "trick". Or maybe it's the phone (we forget about that as technology. Or maybe it's neither of the above and it's one on one. The point for me is asking what 20% of my action would give me the connection I'm after. That's what it sounded to me that you were trying to say. Any way be well. Rob Hey Jared,
I personally think your dead on with the 80/20 reference here. It could possibly be expanded to an even larger degree. I ask myself what 20% of my actions will give me 80% of the connections I’m trying to achieve. It may happen that an online connection (Twitter, Skype or Face book let’s say) could do the “trick”. Or maybe it’s the phone (we forget about that as technology. Or maybe it’s neither of the above and it’s one on one. The point for me is asking what 20% of my action would give me the connection I’m after. That’s what it sounded to me that you were trying to say. Any way be well. Rob

]]> By: Jared Goralnick http://www.technotheory.com/2008/08/80-20-for-friendships/comment-page-1/#comment-24843 Jared Goralnick Mon, 18 Aug 2008 19:09:12 +0000 http://www.technotheory.com/?p=401#comment-24843 I hear you, Elizabeth. I think we're advocating the same thing though. I don't think it's incongruous to be emotionally connected and analytical at the same time. Short of my reference to the 80/20 rule in the title, this post isn't about productivity...but about valuing the people in your life that count and recognizing whether you're giving them the time they deserve (especially if so much of one's social time is spent online). It's easy in the moment to feel what you're getting from a friendship but sometimes when you're sitting in front of a computer or caught up in other parts of life, you can forget about them. I can get caught up in some of the newer friendships and don't always remember to reach out to old or tried and true friends. By writing this down I'm reminding myself who to reach out to. While Sean and Don both made reference to avoiding some of the drains or cutting some people, I think that's an important topic but it's not what I'm referencing. Before cutting, sometimes it's important to find the core. And that's what I'm interested in. Once you know the core it's easier to figure out what's peripheral. I hear you, Elizabeth. I think we’re advocating the same thing though.

I don’t think it’s incongruous to be emotionally connected and analytical at the same time. Short of my reference to the 80/20 rule in the title, this post isn’t about productivity…but about valuing the people in your life that count and recognizing whether you’re giving them the time they deserve (especially if so much of one’s social time is spent online). It’s easy in the moment to feel what you’re getting from a friendship but sometimes when you’re sitting in front of a computer or caught up in other parts of life, you can forget about them.

I can get caught up in some of the newer friendships and don’t always remember to reach out to old or tried and true friends. By writing this down I’m reminding myself who to reach out to.

While Sean and Don both made reference to avoiding some of the drains or cutting some people, I think that’s an important topic but it’s not what I’m referencing. Before cutting, sometimes it’s important to find the core. And that’s what I’m interested in. Once you know the core it’s easier to figure out what’s peripheral.

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